Problemista (2023)

Problemista is about an aspiring toy designer from El Salvador, so of course it’s narrated in English by an elderly Italian lady (Isabella Rossellini). As a small boy, Alejandro Martínez would imagine castles in the middle of the Salvadoran countryside — CGI castles, that is; no wonder adult Alejandro’s (Julio Torres) ideas for toys are completely...

Zoey 102 (2023)

Like the iCarly revival, Zoey 102 (coincidentally released on the same day the new iCarly’s last episode became available) is a more ‘mature’ version of the original Nickelodeon show — which simply, and paradoxically, means that the language and humor are just a tad more immature.  At the same time, for a comedy that includes a joke about...

Crabs! (2021)

Crabs! opens with a scene where two people having intercourse on a beach are attacked by killer horseshoe crabs. That's a nice riff on the ‘don’t have sex’ horror flick rule (what with ‘crabs’ being the slang term for pediculosis pubis), while still upholding the time-honored, low-budget horror cinema tradition of T&A.  It would have...

Drugstore June (2024)

What's not to like about a movie featuring Miranda ‘iCarly’ Cosgrove and Nic Nemeth (aka Dolph Ziggler)? And the answer is, June Fine (Esther Povitsky), whom as the title suggests Drugstore June is actually about. This bitch makes Bill Burr seem positively genial, and I fucking hate Bill Burr.  June is an Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist....

Lisa Frankenstein (2024)

Lisa Frankenstein is a suitable title. Not because this is a Mary Shelley rip-off (which it only ever so slightly is), but because it has been made with parts from many other stories — some better, such as The Monkey’s Paw, Pet Sematary, Hellraiser, The Phantom of the Opera (the Lon Chaney version, natch), Return of...

Frankenhooker (1990)

Is Frankenhooker a quirky meditation on sex, drugs and gender roles, featuring modest but well-realized special effects and a few passages of superbly written dialogue? Or a cheap excuse for gratuitous nudity and cartoon violence? Like the title character, it’s a little bit of this and a little bit of that, all barely held together with...

The Underdoggs (2024)

I know Snoop Dogg is all about sipping on that gin and juice (with his mind on his money and his money on his mind), but The Underdoggs is a little too laid back for its own good. No effort was made to break out of the CLIDVIC formula, no thought was given to the negative implications of...

Mad Heidi (2022)

Why is Mad Heidi mad? The plot, such as it is, involves the use of dairy products (cheese in particular) for nefarious purposes, such as creating soft-brained “super soldiers;” could the first part of the title be an allusion to the mad cow crisis of the mid-90s? If so, that ship sailed long ago.   And...

Arthur’s Whisky (2024)

Arthur's Whisky is about three elderly BFFs who discover an elixir of youth. There is no explicit reason for the de-aging potion to smell and taste like the titular distilled spirit, but it’s possible that the filmmakers were poking a little fun at the reports that whisky in moderation is good for any number of...