Without Men (2011)

Without Men is possibly the dumbest fucking movie that Christian Slater has ever been in, and that’s saying something. Of course, to say that he’s in the film is an overstatement; his role is a glorified cameo, his scenes are filler, his lines are insipid, and he’s performance is phoned in. All in all it...

Sick Girl (2023)

The protagonist of Sick Girl is indeed sick — mentally ill, to be precise. However, the movie wants to sell us the idea that Wren Pepper (Nina Dobrev) is “more like kooky crazy” than “psycho freaky crazy.” Actually, she’s neither (way to stigmatize mental illness, by the way). Wren feigns disease to draw attention and sympathy,...

Outlaw Johnny Black (2023)

Outlaw Johnny Black finds co-writer/director/star Michael Jai White in rare comedic form, but the movie could stand to be more Blazing Saddles and less Django Unchained. Thirty minutes shorter than Django is still too long for a comedy, even a funny one — and this film certainly has a wicked sense of humor (a “partial...

The Slumber Party (2023)

The Slumber Party is an 80-minute psychotic break — a TV-PG Disney movie that is also, for all intents and purposes, a sanitized-yet-still-transparent unofficial remake of arguably the most notorius R-rated comedy of recent times. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that if you’ve seen or even just heard about The Hangover, you know exactly what...

Jovi & Lou (2023)

If I were to describe Jovi & Lou in two words, they would be ‘syncretic promiscuity.’ According to this movie, Jesus is the son of Zeus, but the titular Jovi (i.e., Jesus' mother) is not a reference to Jove (one of the names for Jupiter, the Roman equivalent of Zeus); my guess (this film requires...

Old Dads (2023)

It's funny that Bill Burr’s character in Old Dads is initially implied to be 46 years old. Not funny ha-ha; more odd than amusing, given that Burr is 55 and, if anything, he looks older than his actual age — nevertheless, this is about as funny as this alleged comedy is ever going to get. ...

Totally Killer

You know you’re lazy and incompetent when your script keeps using the movie it is ripping off as shorthand. You should never remind the audience that they could be watching a better film, let alone urge them to do so — but when heroine Jamie Hughes (Kiernan Shipka) says, “Can you please just watch Back to the...

Freaky Profiling (2023)

What a confounded mess Freaky Profiling is. I call it a movie only for want of a better term. Its heart is in the right place, but its head is irretrievably jammed way up its ass. Racial profiling is not just a deadly serious issue; it can be literally deadly. Giving it the body switch...

Strays

Strays is an alleged comedy about a bunch of dogs that are dumber than dog shit. Ponder that for a second. Whatever comes out of their assholes is smarter than these fucking mutts, and you better believe there’s plenty of doggy doo in this movie — because why limit painfully unfunny toilet humor to human beings?...