Red Rover (2018)

Red Rover is as escapist as escapism gets, and I’m not even talking about the half-baked ‘let’s got to Mars’ premise. Damon Pierce (Kristian Bruun) is an ersatz Jack Black spineless pushover who lives in his ex-girlfriend's basement (where he’s subjected to the sights and sounds of her sex life) and is fired from his...

How to Date Billy Walsh (2024)

The problem with How to Date Billy Walsh is not that it puts the pussy on a pedestal. It does put the pussy on a pedestal, and it is a problem, but what truly dooms the movie from the beginning is that it overtells an overtold tale. The title pretty much gives the whole thing...

French Girl (2024)

A better title for French Girl would have been La Belle-Famille Part Quattre — La Belle-Famille being the Québécois title for Meet the Parents, of which the tediously generic French Girl is especially, and shamelessly, derivative. Also, the title character is from Quebec; would it have killed co-writers/co-directors James A. Woods and Nicolas Wright to...

Players (2024)

This is a case where you hate the game and the Players. In theory, we’re supposed to identify with the main characters, but that is next to impossible when you realize that they are running a serial date-raping ring.   So what if they don’t roofie their victims? They are nonetheless conspiring to trick unsuspecting people...

A Royal Recipe for Love (2023)

There are no secret ingredients in A Royal Recipe for Love. It has the familiar, emetic taste of repeatedly reheated leftovers. I'm reminded of a song children sang in Agnes Varda’s The Gleaners and I: “Monday, potatoes/Tuesday, potatoes/Wednesday, potatoes again/Thursday, potatoes/Friday, potatoes/Saturday, potatoes again/Sunday, it's potatoes au gratin.”  Emma Morton (Laura Miyata) is a New...

Betty’s Bad Luck in Love (2024)

Betty's Bad Luck in Love is the Hallmark Channel’s retarded answer to Good Luck Chuck (and by ‘retarded’ I mean ‘very belated,’ and also ‘really fucking stupid’). As such, it features a female protagonist and no sexual content. I don’t know whether that last thing makes it better or worse than Good Luck Chuck, and while...

What Happens Later (2023)

If you asked me what What Happens Later is, I’d say it’s The Langoliers of romantic dramedies (especially the Before Trilogy). Then again, it isn’t all that spooky, or romantic, or dramatic, or funny. So, to answer your hypothetical question, I have no fucking idea.  Two former lovers who each answer to the name W....

Planes, Trains and Christmas Trees (2022)

Planes, Trains and Christmas Trees. That's two thirds of the title of a universally beloved holiday classic. It's also an example of the ‘honor by association’ fallacy; i.e., we’re meant to approach this movie expecting something as good as that aforementioned classic comedy just because the two films share the same title structure, and the first two...

Looking for Her (2022)

Looking for Her is a lesbian romcom. Why don’t I call it a romcom, period? Because the lesbian angle is the only thing that sets it apart from a plethora of other Romantic Fake–Real Turn comedies. The movie does get a couple of things right, mostly by omission; you won’t find, for example, queerbaiting or gratuitous...